


then we go down together

by capsize (copenhagenborn)



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Depression, Friends to Lovers, Grey-Asexual!Bones, Internalized Acephobia, Light Angst, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, discussion of asexuality, it isn't as angsty as the tags make it seem, jim's a good boyfriend who tries to be considerate, nyota and jim doesn't get along
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 12:29:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9607664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/copenhagenborn/pseuds/capsize
Summary: “Why would I? If sex’s not a part of my definition of love and if Jim accepts that and transfers that to our relationship, then it’s not really cheating. Jim obviously doesn’t build his relationships on sex either, and even if he did, I trust him enough to tell me if things start to change between the two of us.”or, 5 times Jim has sex, and one time he stays the night.





	

_ONE._

Jim has always been good at finding his way, whether it’s back home from some joint in Iowa or making his way to the nearest motel with cheap rooms and easy access to transportation, Jim has always been great at making the most of being lost.

So when Jim finds his way to a dorm that sort of looks like his – the door’s the same, anyway, and campus isn’t _that_ big, is it? – he is almost certain he has the right room. At least he is until he tries the passcode and the door doesn’t budge.

Gary, his new roommate is out for the week on a training exercise, and Jim is 99.9 percent sure he left the physical key in Gaila’s room. Jim would go back and get it – because Gaila had gotten one of the few good rooms close to class with great directions – but Uhura had come back from the library and thrown a fit about Jim being in their room, “ _Seriously Gaila? I’m gone for two hours, and you let_ Kirk _into our room? Seriously?!”_ “ _I’m off to bed anyways, Ladies. Uhura, I’ll see you in Linguistics,”_ Jim had said, docking out of the room before something like a shoe bangs against the door.

“All’s well that ends well,” Jim mutters as he plugs out the small screen from the wall and starts tapping until the device buzzes and the door opens.

Inside is the academy issued sofa pushed against the wall with a small glass coffee table in front of it, there’s a desk in the corner and a bed tucked against the other wall, two doors on each side of the desk plausible leading to the bathroom and kitchen separately. Jim isn’t sure if that’s what tips him off that he’s in the wrong room, or if it’s the frowning man with the red eyes tucked underneath the duvet, looking at him like he might murder him if Jim doesn’t turn around right this second.

“Uh, is this cadet housing room 2059?”

The man sits up in a halfway crunch, brows getting even more furrowed as he wipes his eyes with the back of his hand, “Does this look like cadet housing room 2059?” the man repeats in a slow, dull voice.

“Well, no. This looks like a single and I don’t think cadets can get their own room, and you aren’t Gary, are you?” Jim hasn’t really spent a lot of time back in the room, or with Gary in general, so he really wouldn’t know, “I just thought _you_ might be in the wrong on this one,” Jim stops talking for a moment and _really_ looks at the man; the week-old stubble slowly transitioning into a beard, the dull hazel eyes and the firm bone structure, the low rumble of his Georgian voice, the small crow’s feet just starting to appear around his eyes, “You’re that guy from the shuttle, yeah? The one with the wife and the bones and the aviophobia – You threw up on me!”

The guy pauses in his grumblings as he struggles to get to his feet, and that’s when Jim notices the heavy stench of alcohol – or something smelling just clinical enough to get the work done – and the empty bottles of what seems to be whiskey scattered across the room.

“Hey, no. Don’t get up on my account,” Jim says quickly, rushing forward to grab onto the man arm, helping him upright until they’re eye to eye. “You okay there, Bones?”

“I’m _fine,_ and the name’s Leonard, _Doctor_ Leonard.” Bones grumbles and tears his arm out of Jim’s grip, making his way to the other side of the room where his shirt lies.

“Doctor Leonard, you say? That’s an awfully unfortunate name for such a handsome man as yourself.”

“You know what I meant,” Bones snarls, stumbling out of the bathroom now fully clothed, face dripping with water. “That’s why I have a single; apparently, there’s a lack of doctors willing to go into space. It’s almost as if intelligence is a demand of the profession.”

“Benevolent, compassionate, altruistic also fall into that category,” Jim hums with a slow smile as Bones sits back down and doesn’t dismiss him immediately.  

“Oh, shut up, will you? I’m here, aren’t I.” It doesn’t sound as jokingly as the rest of their exchange has, but Jim doesn’t comment; he already knows a bit about why Bones has come here to face his fears, and an angry ex-wife isn’t something you share with some stranger if it isn’t _that_ kind of bad.

“I should get going then, I need to find my room before my hand-to-hand combat class tomorrow. I’m trying to make a good impression on the instructor, and she really doesn’t like it when you show up in jeans.”

Bones mumbles something under his breath as Jim makes his way to the door, tired eyes following him as he gets the door to open, “You can stay here until the morning,” Bones says a little louder, head resting on his folded arms as he tucks himself back under the covers. “The rooms really are a maze at night and there’s no way you can get back to the dorms if you don’t have a clue where to look.”

Jim pauses in the doorway and turns around with a growing smile, “Yeah? Would that be cool?”

There’s a twitch in the corner of Bones’ mouth; not quite a smile, but not _not_ a smile as he says, “I _did_ throw up on you, didn’t I. I think I owe you that much.”

Jim steps back and lets the door close once again, before he peels off his jacket and makes his way to the other side of the bed.

“What are you doing kid?” Bones snorts, throwing out a leg to stop him from crawling in next to him.

“You said I could stay,” Jim replies slowly, his lips pouted as he throws his boots near the door and starts to pull down his jeans.

“…on the couch,” Bones continues in the same slow rhythm; Jim’s not sure whether he’s being made fun off or if Bones just sounds that dull.

“But I get cold in the winter.”

“Shouldn’t have taken your pants off then,” Bones grumbles, turns around with his back towards Jim and orders the lights to be turned off, “and it’s October in _California,_ for God’s sake _._ ”

 

_TWO._

Jim doesn’t mean to go to Bones’ room when he comes back from a night out; it’s just, it’s _so_ much easier than going back to his own and having to watch Gary give him the stink eye for having sex regularly.

He knocks twice and waits.  
Jim’s not sure when it became a habit for him to not just barge into the room, but he has a very strong theory that makes him feel a bit like a dog with Bones ringing a bell before feeding him.

His pad beeps with a message, ‘ _if that’s you then FUCK OFF, I’m sleeping’_

And maybe Jim would have listened a year ago, when they were young and dumb; stumbling their ways through campus and classes that didn’t make sense – “’ _Alien diplomacy and the monarchies within’ I’m a doctor dammit, not a diplomat. Why aren’t you there suffering with me, you’re supposed to be in tactical, aren’t ya?” Bones had grumbled when they got their second semester class schedules, “No apparently, I have to go to ’50 ways to recycle a Warp core – and the 1999 ways not to’ but I’m sure we can switch if you want.”_ – but Bones has lost a bit of his edge after Jim got to know him, and now the only time to really fear him, is when he’s wielding a hypospray.

“If you’re sleeping then why are you on your pad?” Jim hums merrily as he walks through into the room and shrugs off his jacket; he pushes off his boots and empties his pockets before joining Bones in the bed, tucking himself up against his back.

“Wishful thinking,” Bones mutters, but twists and turns until Jim fits better against his back, their arms intertwined over Bones’ bare chest.

He sounds tired, but he does that most of the time; taking too many shifts at the hospital and not getting enough sleep between classes. Jim tries to make him stop, to coax him back to his room and just cuddle up with a pad and the lights turned down. But Bones is every bit type A as Jim is – minus the getting up in the morning thing, Bones still struggles with that – and he hates sitting on his hands and doing nothing.

Sometimes, Jim will take him running; pushing him until Bones is leaning on his knees, panting like he’s dying before he brings them home and cooks them whatever has survived in the fridge. It makes Bones a bit easier to handle, to get him in the bed or onto the couch and sit between his legs while Jim tells him about his day, about what it’s like growing up without a steady parenting figure – the only times Bones won’t frown and pout and try to get him to see counseling, because _“that’s not right Jim, you don’t know how that shit have affected you,”_ Jim does know, of course he does, but he doesn’t tell Bones that.

There are other times where Bones doesn’t want to talk, when all he wants is to sit in the corner with Jim’s head in his lap and stay silent for hours, only talking when he thinks Jim needs to drink something. Jim likes that too; he likes the floaty feeling he gets when Bones’ hand in his hair is the only thing grounding him, how his entire body feels softer and safer than it’s ever had, when the jitters in his fingers stop and his thoughts doesn’t try to crowd him into doing something he doesn’t really _need_ to do.

 Then there are the times where Jim doesn’t know what to do with him.

Days that happen to be his wedding day, Johanna’s birthday, when Bones proposed to Jocelyn, the day he was asked to move out of their house; anything relating to his old life and Bones will spiral back to the angry, drunken man Jim met on a shuttle to the end of his life – joke’s on him then; his life hadn’t started before he met Bones, not really.

Jim tries to anticipate the _bad_ _days_ ; keeps a chart over the dates and the predicted occasion to know when he has to be better than usual. But it doesn’t work, because Bones has misery enough to go around twice, and the days keep appearing when another one has just gone by.

Jim huddles closer, swings a leg around Bones’ hip and just clings to his friend until Bones’ breath stops stuttering.

“I love you, you know that right?” Jim whispers softly against the nape of his neck, fingers flexing in his as if he’s afraid Jim will let go – he won’t, he _can’t_ , not anymore.

“I know kid, love you too.” 

There’s a beat of silence between the two of them where both of them knows what Jim wants to say – Jim’s known for about a month, Bones has probably known longer – and Jim should keep quiet, because that what they do, what they implicit have agreed on. But Jim’s never been good at settling, at not getting what he wanted, so he pulls away and sits upright.

“What if I liked you in another way too?” he says quietly. His hand is still resting on Bones’ chest, so he feels the way his heart speed up, just a beat or two more than before; but it’s enough to make a difference.

“ _Jim_.” 

“What, we both know it, so why not say it aloud?” He’s not mad, he really isn’t, because Bones doesn’t owe him his love and Jim doesn’t want it if it’s not real. But he’s sick of being ignored, of being told to ignore his feelings – especially when it comes to Bones, who’s his sole feelings-source nowadays.

“This really isn’t the time, Jim, and you know it.” Jim does know it, but sometime life is unfair and so is Jim. “I _love_ you, how is that not enough for you?”

His jaw clenches and he can’t get it to relax, not even when Bones turns to look at him, eyes dull from the lack of sleep, but nonetheless pleading with him to stop.

“ _I_ love you, how is _that_ not enough for you?” but it’s weak and Jim knows it too.

“Go to sleep kid, we’ll talk later.” Bones says mid-yawn as he reaches out for him, pulling until Jim tumbles onto his chest with a defeated sigh, long limbs tucked against himself as Bones manhandles him into being the little spoon.

_THREE._

Jim sleeps with Bones’ neighbor because he’s there and Bones isn’t.

After, he ends up in front of Bones’ door, because even when he feels like ripping Bones’ head off, he can’t quite stay away. Jim doesn’t know when it became tradition for him to fuck someone and then come crawling back to Bones; if it’s another one of Bones’ strange conditionings or if he’s really that codependent. 

At least this time around Bones is there, sulking in his chair with a pad in his hands and the bottle of last night’s whiskey halfway gone.

“I slept with your neighbor,” Jim announces without further ado as he walks into the room. It’s not like he needs to say it; his shirt is rumpled, his hair is all over the place, and his lips still tingle from the assault. “That orthopaedical surgeon you don’t like; Johnny, I think his name is.”

“It’s _James,_ idiot.” Bones doesn’t quite wince, but he’s almost there. He doesn’t look up from his book but the chair swivel around to face Jim in the bed. “And he’s not even a doctor, he’s the surgical nurse with a strange obsession with the word _phalanges_.”

“Didn’t think you would be the one to be a classist prick.”

“Jim darling, are you sure you’re not just arguing for the sake of it?” Bones drawls in that Southern twang he gets when his shit-meter has hit the roof, “Because I have lots of shit for us to discuss if that’s the case, like when your next STD check-up is going to be.”

“Fuck off, I’ve been clean since my first year here.” Jim snarls, throwing his boots at the door to ignore Bones’ inquiring gaze. “You don’t even want to talk about it, so what do you want me to do? Pretend I’m not in love with you? I can’t stay away unless you want to beat yourself into a depression again, so you have to give me _something_ so I can be around you without wanting to either kiss you or rip your head off.”

There’s a tick in Bones’ jaw when Jim dares to look, but he doesn’t say anything. Because for once, Jim is absolutely right.

“I’m not normal, Jim.” Bones says, finally. He puts down the pad and rolls the chair across the floor to sit in front of Jim, his hands wringing themselves in his lap as his breath stutters, “There’s a reason I haven’t been with anyone since my divorce, the same reason I _got_ divorced. I don’t like sex, Jim.”

Jim frowns. He reaches out and takes Bones’ hands between his, squeezes them until they stop tremoring, “But you have a daughter,” He says slowly, softly as he meets Bones’ eyes. And Jim almost hates the surprise he sees in them, because that wasn’t what Bones had expected to hear; not what everyone else had asked him.

“I really loved Jocelyn, I loved the thought of being with her, I loved being her husband and coming home to her; I loved sharing a house with her and the idea of a family together had always been on our minds. Jocelyn and I married young, she came from a religious family so we had to wait until marriage, which I was oddly fine with because she was the only one I wanted to be with. And then came the wedding night, and the honeymoon, and the 2.3 times each week. And I really didn’t see the point, but she wanted a kid, _I_ wanted a kid, so we kept going.

“Then Johanna was born and Jocelyn wanted to go back to how things were. But something had changed, maybe because now that we had a kid, there wasn’t anything I could get out of it. So I told her I didn’t want to have sex with her anymore, that I still loved her but I didn’t enjoy that aspect of our relationship anymore.”

Bones sounds defeated when he finishes, eyes sullen like he’s waiting for the final blow to take him out, waiting for _Jim_ to deliver it.

“She didn’t understand that?”

Bones snorts and says with a shake of his head, “Jocelyn is a beautiful woman, but she’s always cared too much about what people think about her. She took it personal, thought I didn’t want her because she’d had a kid, and then she tried to send me to the family doctor for Sildenafil.” Bones shrugs, leaning back in the chair as a violent flush crawls across his neck.

“I’m sorry about that Bones.” Jim says quietly, “but you do know that asexuality isn’t a bad thing, right? Plenty of people are ace nowadays, there’s nothing wrong with not wanting sex.”

Bones grunts and twists his hands out of Jim’s before he stands. “I’m no asexual, not, not entirely okay? And I know it’s not bad, but it makes me _feel_ bad; like someone’s telling a joke and I’m the only one getting it. I’m a doctor dammit, I _know_ asexuals are valid.”

Jim hums sadly as he reaches for Bones, but he doesn’t say anything. It’s not Jim’s place to push when Bones doesn’t want him to; when Bones obviously isn’t ready for it.

“How about we get some sleep instead? You have that quiz in the morning, and I have to prepare for the Kobayashi Maru.” He coaxes softly, rising from the bed to drag Bones away from the corner he’s backed himself into.

And for once, Bones lets him.

 

Weeks go by before they mention it again.

Bones doesn’t mention it and Jim doesn’t want to push, not when he has other things on his mind – like being the first goddamn person to pass that hoax of a test.

It’s not until they’re lying next to each other in Bones’ bed, the lights turned down and the sun slowly creeping its way back to the sky, that Bones breaks the silence.

“What if I liked you too?” he whispers softly, voice apologetic as he turns to finally face Jim, his blue eyes blurred with sleepiness and stress of the next day.

“What about it?”

Jim doesn’t move when Bones starts to fit himself around him, when he tries to make himself smaller so he’ll fit underneath Jim’s arm; doesn’t move when Bones finally settles down with a loud sigh and looks at him directly, “I can’t have sex with you.”

“I know that.” Jim says, his voice low and confused as he looks at the man beside him, how he looks so much younger than the brilliant surgeon he is most days; how Jim almost can’t believe the fear he sees in his eyes. “I _know_ that, Bones,” he insists as he squeezes him tighter.

Bones hesitates, “Would you stop sleeping with people if I asked you to do that?”

Jim almost sighs, almost tries to push him away out of sheer spite. He doesn’t, because Bones doesn’t deserve that. “You know the answer to that.” He doesn’t mean to sound bitter, but he does. “But that’s not what you should be asking me. Do you trust me enough to ask that of me?”

Bones doesn’t have an answer to that.

 

_PLUS ONE._

Then the Narada incident happens and suddenly they don’t have time to talk.

There’s a short moment where Jim really believes Bones is going to leave him dirtside while he goes off to save the world, and maybe he would have if he hadn’t felt bad about not asking Jim to commit; but he does, injecting Jim with something horrible and bringing him onboard, because even dying without Jim would be wrong.

Jim gets to Pike too late.

Gaila is dead along with everyone else they know, killed by the same ship that caused his father’s demise.

There’s nothing he can do when Pike hands himself over, making him and Spock first officer and captain. And maybe it would have worked out if Jim hadn’t met Spock before, if they didn’t already have a history of clashes and Jim didn’t have a problem with authority figures.

But Jim isn’t a coward and going back isn’t going to bring back Vulcan, _or Pike_. Spock doesn’t see that, because it isn’t _logical_ and why would he listen to a cheating cadet who hasn’t even graduated yet? And then Bones betrays him and sides with the newly appointed captain; doesn’t even say a word when he’s marooned off to a shitty planet made of ice and everything from your worst nightmares. 

Old Spock with his friendship and destinies, forcing memories he isn’t ready for into his head; Scotty and Keenser and their warp theory that just needs a bit of fixing before they’re back on the Enterprise; and then Jim doesn’t have time to explain, but there’s no need, because Scotty’s right there next to him following him to the bridge.

Jim almost dies, but he’s the captain now and the rest of the crew has to see reason, and isn’t that what’s important?

He still doesn’t talk with Bones. He would like to say he’s making a point not to, but maybe the both of them just don’t have the time. And then everything’s over; Nero is dead and Pike is returned to the ship, unconscious but alive nevertheless.

Someone bans him from the bridge, not because he isn’t still captain - at least according to Uhura’s taunts, not so much bitter as mocking, but in a nice way – but because he’s halfway to falling asleep while standing. He doesn’t have a room though, and he doesn’t want to ask the quartermaster – or spend time wondering who the quartermaster is – so he goes to Bones’ room and waits, at least he tries to.

 

Someone wakes him after what feels like ten minutes, fingers running over his stomach until he groans and turns around, “I literally just saved the world, doesn’t that qualify a bit of sleepy time?”

“Just wanted to make sure you weren’t too injured, oh big hero of mine.” Bones drawls, and Jim’s 99 percent sure he’s supposed to sound dry and annoyed, but there’s nothing but warmth and love in the way Bones talks to him. “Can’t let the captain of the Enterprise die from internal bleeding before he even gets to sit in the chair, can I?”

“I mean you probably could, but my boyfriend’s a doctor and I don’t think he would like that.” It’s a hell of a leap, but Bones is right there looking like Jim hung the fucking moon; and if that isn’t love that can conquer all then Jim doesn’t know what is.

Bones rolls his eyes but doesn’t disagree as he continues to move down Jim’s body, poking and prodding until he’s certain there’s not an epithelia cell out of order. “I don’t need to ask that of you,” he finally says, when he sits down next to Jim’s head, eyes soft as he strokes his cheek.

“What?” Because Jim’s still exhausted and Bones just agreed to be his boyfriend, so there’s not much energy spent on spare thoughts.

“I don’t need to you to stop sleeping with other people,” Bones clarifies slowly, moving down the bed until he’s leaning on the side of Jim’s body, lips just so brushing Jim’s. “I don’t need that from you, I just need to know that I’m the only one you’re going to be in love with.”

Jim frowns but doesn’t hesitate to reassure him, “Of course Bones, always.”

“Good, then we’re on the same page.” He says with a slow smile, waiting just a second before he leans in to kiss him. Jim responds eagerly, beautifully as he cradles Bones’ head and pulls him closer until Bones is all but flushed against his chest.  His lips are working just on the right side of aggressive until he catches himself and pulls back, panting as he looks at Bones’ flushed cheeks, the unsated hunger in his eyes as he watches Jim’s heavy breathing.

“Maybe we should uh, take a break? I’m feeling a bit murky, so give a guy a chance, okay.” But Bones doesn’t pull away, instead he continues down Jim’s throat until he nipping at the protruding collarbone. “ _Bones_ , I am serious. This is so not the day to test my restraint.”

Bones pulls back to look him in the eye, a small smile brewing on his lips as he says, “When is it ever a good day to test your restraint?” then he’s leaning in and they’re kissing again, Bones straddling his lap as he reaches up to pull off the dirty scrub shirt he’s still wearing. “Why don’t we try next time you’re in a coma, that should give you a fair start, darling.”

“You’re calling me a _slut_ , Bones.” But he’s grinning and Bones is leaning back down to reclaim his mouth, kissing him too quickly, too well, too _dirty_ for a man who hasn’t had sex since his divorce. But it’s so very _Bones_ that Jim can’t quite catch himself, his hips stuttering unconsciously up against Bones’. And he’s so fucking hard, but so is Bones and Jim doesn’t know what to do, because he doesn’t _want_ to stop, but it’s just going to be so much harder if Bones lets him continue this. “We have to stop this. I’m trying to be good here, but killing the captain by giving him blue balls is still considered mutiny.”

“I thought you liked sex?” Bones mocks, undoing his pants and shimmying them down alongside his briefs until he’s naked and standing over Jim, arousal obvious as he comes closer. 

“But _you_ don’t.” he tries, but it’s weak and his throat is dry.

“I didn’t say that, I’m not asexual Jimmy.” And Jim doesn’t know what’s worse to be turned on by; the juvenile nickname he’s always hated, or the mocking tone usually used to humiliate him. “I’m on the spectrum; I’m not prone to sexual desire and it doesn’t happen very often, but sometimes I want to have sex and right now is one of those times. I don’t know if it’s you almost dying or you saving the world, but if you don’t mind, I would very much like you have sex with you right now, darling.”

“Is that what you really want?” Jim asks quietly, sitting up as he moves away from Bones’ prying hands on his hips.

Bones pauses in his end of the bed, a dark look taking over his eyes, “You don’t think I would say no to you.”

“No, that’s not,” Jim splutters shocked, “I’m just, I don’t need that from you and you shouldn’t feel like you owe me that. I can live without sex, Bones, but I can’t live without you. So, if we do this and you realize you just did it because you thought that was what I wanted, then we’re both going to be sorry.”

“I shouldn’t have to explain myself to you,” Bones says softly but stays put, one hand reaching out to circle Jim’s ankle, “Most of the times I don’t like sex, but there are incidents where I like physical intimacy, where sexual desire is something I experience and right now is one of those times. I understand why you don’t feel up to it because of what you’ve been through, but don’t put this on me. I know myself Jim, and this is what I want.”

“Okay,” Jim says simply, his head nodding along as he makes his way into Bones’ lap and then they’re kissing. Bones laying him down on the bed, removes his briefs until he doesn’t have a thread of cloth on his body; just him, Bones and the sheets around them.

The lube’s lying next to his head, one hand squeezing it tight while Bones preps him thoroughly, almost medically, but there’s a twist to his wrist that hadn’t been present at his last prostate exam; Jim doesn’t care because it feels wonderful and he’s _so close_.

Bones fucks like he practices medicine, with a firm hand and endless amounts of expertise. But there’s nothing polite about the things he does to Jim’s body, the dirty nothings he whispers into his ear when he’s on the brink of coming, the orgasm that _just won’t stop_ , because Bones is squeezing his dick and with just the tips of his teeth nipping at his nipple until Jim’s screaming for mercy and finally comes for himself.

It’s after, when Bones’ is wearing a pair of shorts and cuddled in Jim’s arms, when both of them are on the brink of oblivion that he tells Bones he loves him. There’s no difference from how he’s been saying it before, but the meaning couldn’t be more unlike, and Bones knows it when he whispers the words back, his hand squeezing Jim’s until they both fall asleep.

_FOUR._

It isn’t a secret amongst the crew that the captain and CMO are in a committed relationship; some had found out the day after the Narada: Christine, who could very well be living in Bones’ pocket –  since he never bothered to check – and made it a point to know everything about his life; Spock, who had taken one look at Jim’s rumbled shirt and bed hair and said, “ _The doctor has a very peculiar scent of smell when he’s been working in the medical bay. You may want to tell him that,”;_ and Scotty, who had taken over the Chief engineer’s room and walked in on them in the bathroom, “ _Cheers lads! I just need t’ brush me teeth ‘n then I’ll be outta ya hair,”_

While others found out incrementally; Uhura had found out at Gaila’s funeral.

 Just a handful of people had turned up, there wasn’t a lot of cadets left alive who had been in the same social circles as them and even then, people had other things to do before going back into the black. Jim had sat down on the only free chair which just so happened to be next to Uhura, who had turned around with sharp movements and glared, _“You don’t need to be here, a few nights of sex hardly makes you qualified to be her friend.”_

 _“Well, it’s not like participants are overflowing, is it?”_ Jim replied just as poisonously, because Jim had a lot of things to do nowadays, but explain himself to Uhura wasn’t one of them. “ _Besides, you’re not the one throwing this thing.”_ Jim was, that’s the least he could do when he couldn’t save her.

There was a minister conducting the service, an old woman with Orion roots who knew a bit about their memorial ceremonies, but nothing about Gaila. And it felt _wrong_ to have her stand there and talk like she knew who Gaila was, like she wasn’t just making it work with the few clues Jim had been able to give her before he had been called away to yet another talk with the brass; but no one else had taken the initiative, so this would have to do.

 _“Why are you crying kid?”_ someone asked as he pushed him closer to Uhura so he could sit beside him on the small space of chair Jim wasn’t using.

“ _Shut up_ ,” Jim said, pointedly not looking at Bones, because he’s just another thing adding to the _wrong_ pile. His blue scrubs and day old stress hair didn’t fit in with the fancy dress wear the rest of them were wearing, and he didn’t know Gaila, never met her except that time he had to pick Jim up for his physical. But it made Jim feel just a bit better, knowing Bones was there to hold his hand.

“ _Don’t talk to him like that.”_ Uhura hissed because Uhura had taken a liking to Bones when he looked her over after the Narada, which apparently translated to trying to separate him from Jim.

“ _I think I’m allowed to speak to my boyfriend how I like, as long as he doesn’t take offense.”_ Jim scoffed, because Uhura might have tried to claim Gaila as hers, but Bones was his, dammit.

 

Uhura hadn’t had a lot to say after that, but Bones had; screaming and shouting that Jim better act his age if he wanted to sleep in the bed tonight, ordering him to apologize and stop antagonizing a victim who was obviously grieving and, _“Can’t you see you’re in the same boat? Instead of fighting over Gaila, you should try actually talking to her.”_

So, Jim did that, if just for the fact that he hated sleeping on the couch.

Uhura wasn’t much better at talking about her feelings for Gaila or how she felt about Jim, so they compromised and got drunk enough that they started rambling and crying on each other’s shoulders. Waking up beside Uhura with a hangover wasn’t much different than her usual self, so they went for coffee and somehow settled on no more snide comments between the two of them.

And it actually works, Jim and her as not-friend-but-not- _not_ ; he even has her laughing when he talks about Bones and his flight Sims. Then Jim brings up Spock, and Uhura suddenly has everywhere else to be.

 

Then they’re back on the Enterprise and Uhura’s playing nice.

Or she is until she catches him coming back from the peace negotiations with a messy uniform hours later than the rest of the away-team.

She doesn’t actually push him against the wall – not that she couldn’t, because she very much could if she wanted to – because Uhura has too much respect for the captain part of him, but it’s a damn near close. “What do you think you are doing, _Captain_?” and now they’re back to _that_.

“I’m on my way back to my cabin, _Lieutenant_. What does it look like?” he says, his voice harsh because Jim might be a laidback captain, but he doesn’t like people questioning actions that doesn’t concern them. 

“ _Your_ cabin or the CMO’s?” and that’s a stupid, fucking question if Jim’s ever heard one.

“Is there a difference,” Jim snorts, because none of them has slept in Bones’ quarters since the Enterprise was officially given to Jim, and Uhura _knows_ that. “If you don’t mind, I have a boyfriend who has to get up early in the morning and he probably hasn’t even gone to bed yet.” And then he’s walking, a swift pace just slow enough for Uhura to catch up with if she’s running.

“Does he know what you do? When you’re out to _peace talks_ or late nights spent talking to the brass, when you come back smelling like someone else or just seem a bit too calm in your own body? You’re fucking disgusting, Kirk.” She snarls, her hand moving out to grip the edge of his jacket to pull him to a halt.

Jim turns quickly, swiftly, but harmlessly moving out of grip before he crowds her against the wall with nothing but his presence, arms firmly tucked against his sides. “That’s _enough_ , Lieutenant Uhura. My personal life is nothing for you to worry about. If you have a problem with my diplomatic integrity, then I’m sure Spock won’t mind taking your complaint. But don’t fucking come to me thinking you know anything about Bones and I.” and then he’s halfway down the hall and around the corner on his way to his and Bones’ room.

Bones has the sense to look guilty when Jim comes back and finds him at the desk. “I _am_ on my way-“ Bones says hurriedly, pushing mountains of patient files back into a drawer when he looks back at Jim, “Did something happen? You look off.”

Jim moves to take off his uniform, throwing it carelessly into the hamper in the bathroom before he sits down on the bed, spreading his legs as Bones comes to stand between them, “Uhura’s an idiot,” “ _Jim_ ,” “She _is_ if she thinks I would cheat on you. She’s like a duckling who imprinted on its mother, and I’m the big bad wolf trying to eat you – if the duckling has apposable thumbs and access to plenty of weapons.”

“I’m sure it’s not that bad,” but Bones’s smiling as he leans in to kiss him, teeth tugging at his lip until Jim too smiles. “ _You_ didn’t have Spock tell you that if we were to break up, you weren’t the expendable one. I know you say he doesn’t like emoting, but he was fucking _beaming_.”

 

_FIVE.  
LEONARD’S POV. _

Leonard doesn’t actively try to ignore the cold war brewing between Jim and Nyota, but neither one of them has brought it up since Jim came storming home that night, and Leonard has long since learnt to let sleeping dogs lie. So he hangs out with Nyota, lets her talk about the hobgoblin like he isn’t actively trying to stare Leonard off the bridge when he comes by, doesn’t correct Jim when he curses her name when she calls him up earlier than what’s really necessary; but mostly he keeps a tight schedule to make sure time with either doesn’t overlap with the other’s time.

It’s unfortunate then, that the _one_ time Leonard doesn’t know exactly where Jim is coincides with the time Nyota wants to leave the rec room for the observations deck. “There’s too many people in here, let’s go somewhere quieter.” She says with a tight smile, leading them both out of the room and out to the hallway.

“ _Keptin Kirk to ze bridge,”_ Chekov’s voice sounds in the speakers, “ _Keptin, please report to ze bridge.”_ His voice a lot deeper than it had been the first time they’d met.

“What has _he_ done this time?”

“You know, someone might get jealous that you have so high regards about my boyfriend,” Leonard tells her drily, brows furrowed as she looks him over skeptically.

 “I-“ she starts, but gets cut off by the door in front of them opening and they both watch as a half-dressed Jim stumbles out of the room, mumbling an apology meanwhile trying to put his shirt back on. Nyota clears her throat with a strange sense of glee, watching Jim’s eyes widen until they land on Leonard.

“I thought the two of you were going to watch a movie,” Jim says with a frown and leans in to kiss Leonard on the corner of his mouth.

“There was a crowd,” Leonard supplies when Nyota stays quiet. He runs a hand through Jim’s hair, tries to make it look less like the mess it really is before he pulls back with a roll of his eyes.

“ _Right_ , and the two of you are antisocial, of course.” Jim nods along, already starting to make his way backwards and away from them as he laughs, “I’ll see you at dinner, Bones. Uhura,” and then he switches to full on running until there’s nothing left of him to see.

“Why do you let him treat you like that?” Nyota squeals angry, hitting his arm repeatedly until he has to pull away from her with a loud, “S _top.”_ “At first, I didn’t think you knew, that he was doing it behind your back. But you _saw_ him, where he had been, _what_ he was doing.”

Leonard shrugs. He likes Nyota, he likes hanging out with her and having someone to complain about Jim to, but that doesn’t mean Leonard owes her anything about his relationship. “There’s a difference between Jim sleeping with whoever he wants to and him being unfaithful. For me, a relationship doesn’t involve sex, I love Jim even when I’m not sleeping with him and that’s enough for me, to know that Jim understands and agrees with my distinction.

“So it doesn’t bother me if Jim sleeps with the whole goddamn ship because there’s a difference between love and sex in our relationship; I don’t need the latter and Jim only comes to me for the former, and I trust him enough not to fall in love with someone else just because he’s sleeping with them.”

Nyota stays quiet for a while, mulling it over with growing confusion on her face. “So, you don’t have sex but Jim sleeps with other people _while_ you’re in a relationship?” she tries to summarize, and it’s obvious she doesn’t know what to say.

“That’s really not your business, but yes basically. Sometimes, if I feel like it we have sex, but mostly Jim goes elsewhere for that.”

“And that doesn’t make you mad? That he doesn’t just stop having sex if it’s not with you?”

“Why would I? If sex’s not a part of my definition of love and if Jim accepts that and transfers that to our relationship, then it’s not really cheating. I knew Jim years before I started having feelings for him, and he had a lot of sex but no romantic relationships; there’s no one he felt the need to introduce me to, or spend Christmas with instead of me. Jim obviously doesn’t build his relationships on sex either, and even if he did, I trust him enough to tell me if things start to change between the two of us.”

“That’s uh, oddly mature of him.” Nyota says quietly, almost apologetic.

“There’s a reason Jim’s the youngest captain to ever get his own ship, the same reason your emotional stunted boyfriend doesn’t shy away from him when Jim tries to connect with him, why no one on the Enterprise wished to be transferred when Jim took command.” Leonard says slowly, holding Nyota’s gaze as she tries to look away, because Jim might like sex more than the average humanoid but he’s still the best goddamn person Leonard’s ever met.

“And if you still don’t believe any of that, then know that I love him and trust him with my life and all of yours too.”

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @neil-jostx


End file.
